Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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