I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
