When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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