you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
