clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
