Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
