Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
