Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
