It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
