do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
