1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
