Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Couch. On fire.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
