corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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