I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
