Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
