Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
