i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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