That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize