sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
