Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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