i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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