Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you traded sex for a burrito?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
