If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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