Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
