It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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