Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
