To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
