Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize