he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
