i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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