I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
