Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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