he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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