I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
