So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize