I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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