I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
