AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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