there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
