somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
