remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
