You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize