Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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