Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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