Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
