That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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