oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
