i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
