I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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