Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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