i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
