Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
