I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
