The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
