just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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