Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
