Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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