I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
