Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
