yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she smelled like a LAN party
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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