cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
