I didn't shave. On purpose
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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