Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
