i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize