It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
