we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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