Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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