Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
