i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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