Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize