just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
