how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
