listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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