I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
