i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
