Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
