I hate your face
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
