Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
