Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
