Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
