have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
