i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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