well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
