The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
