My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
