I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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