my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
