Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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