UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
