About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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