i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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