Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
