What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
