i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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