break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
birth control should be required to get into college
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
