4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize